Nikola's Diary 1, August 1912

8/27/12
Today Wife bought me this diary. She said that I should keep my feelings in here instead of yelling them at the people I hate like Boris and as a result getting beaten up by them. Tonight I went to Ivan the Bartender's bar and mixed Vodka with Scotch and added some lemon. I called it Mike's Hard Lemonade®on steroids or Nikola's Suprise. I drank three gallons and passed out. Boris found me and took me to his house where we had a "Tickle War". I was admitted to the Hospital with third degree burns.

8/28/12
Today Boris came to visit me in the hospital. I screamed for the doctor and he told Boris to leave. Instead Boris threw him out the window. I stood up and started to limp away. I got to the lobby and called Alexi but Boris was already there. I hid under a chair while the nurses tried to sedate Boris. They succeeded in injecting him but he was only calmed slighly. He said "I down to need sit" and fell on the chair I was under. I rolled out and kicked him in the shin. He fell down and I ran out to meet Alexi in the Limo. We went to the hospital under The Czar's Palace. As we left, Moscow General blew up. We drove past Boris's body. He was still alive so we put him in the Outhouse of Shame. I fell asleep on the way to the medical room.