Another Silly Story



 Another Silly Story

“When Boris hugs you, things go wrong.” N. M. 

I was walking through The Moscow Kremlin when Boris hugged me.

“Get off me or I’ll put something sharp through your sternum.”

“Me am no disconnect from Nikola”

“I put you in box ...…” I started to say until it happened. I was in Egypt. Some weird guy in a crazy gold outfit stood next to me. I recognized him as Aten, a Pharaoh. He was giving a crown to this kid (King Tut). I kicked Aten in the knees and he fell of the pyramid we were on. He landed with a thud in the snake pit at the bottom. I turned on the kid. I want the golden crown. I picked him up and threw him in the scorpion pit on the other side of the pyramid. After that I became the most feared ruler in all of Egypt. It only lasted a week though. After that I made a leap forward in time. During my week in Egypt however, I figured out that Boris's radiation caused me to go back in time. If my tests were correct, then in eight weeks, I would return to my time.

Next I went to Greece. I fed Plato to a shark, and threw Agamemnon in a lake. During my time in Greece, I laid waste to the city of Athens and burned Sparta’s walls to the ground. It's amazing what people will do for you when you're the high king.

After my time in Greece, I went to Rome. I told Brutus to kill Julius Caesar. Then I started the Roman Empire. I conquered hundreds of small Italian villages and indulged on more spaghetti than I ever have before.

<span style="font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"">Soon I warped to the Crusades, and kicked The Pope in the shins, before leading an army to conquer The Middle East.

<p style="text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%"><span style="font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"">Next I went to Napoleon's time. He was too short for me to see so I accidentally kneed him in the appendix. It turns out that he had appendicitis. He died shortly afterward and I used the opportunity, to wipe out half of Switzerland.

<p style="text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%"><span style="font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"">After that I had the opportunity to observe the best Czar of all time, Boris Kito. He made me look bad so I shot him before running him over with a horse and a bus.

<p style="text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%"><span style="font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"">Soon I ventured past my own time, and went to a banquet held by Archduke Ferdinand. His pasta wasn't half as good as the ones served while I was conquering small towns, so I shot him.

<p style="text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%"><span style="font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"">Next I met a much respected communist, Adolf Hitler. Being that I didn't like Communism, due to my years of oppression under its system, I took the opportunity to kick him in the stomach, and put a bullet halfway into his brain.

<p style="text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%"><span style="font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"">Soon after I met a very cool fellow, Fidel Castro. After I figured out that he too was a communist, I ran into his yacht with an oil tanker.

<p style="text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%"><span style="font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"">My last stop was in the year 2061. Somehow Hitler had survived the bullet wound. Now he was ruling the world. His head was in a glass jar, and that jar was in a flying hovercraft with laser beams. America was in ruins, so was Moscow. I met one of my future family members, my great-grandson Nikola Alex. When I figured out that he wasn't a Medvedev, I poked his temple with a tack. I had bigger problems however. Hitler had found me. For some reason he was very angry that I had shot him in the head. People really need better reasons to hate. Anyway he was flying towards me. I picked up a rock, and threw it at his hovercraft. It went through the glass windshield and broke the jar with his head in it. This triggered a self-destruct mechanism, and the hovercraft blew up. Suddenly I was back in the Kremlin. Boris was there.

<p style="text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%"><span style="font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"">“You ambient go on for 8 week” He said.

<p style="text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%"><span style="font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"">Then he hugged me.

<p style="text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%"><span style="font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"">“In the name of Vodka.” I said.

<p style="text-indent:.5in;line-height:200%"><span style="font-family:"Arial","sans-serif"">And I was gone.