The Epic



The story within the story of Nikola Medvedev.

See Part Two for the epic conclusion.

 N 'ikola  Medvedev   in Epic 

Prologue 

A dark drunken night in the classless section of town. A haunting feeling that something is amiss. The inevitable arrival home where the source of all the concerns is waiting. The secretary’s nervous composure that signals the coming debacle. Stepping in the room holding childhood’s worst enemy - the trash collector become advisor. Soon to become Czar little to the person opposite him’s knowledge. The dreaded deal signed only due to drunken madness. Russia in new hands. Bad things coming for the Medvedev family. 

The inevitable goodbye to Moscow made me cry. It was all in my power before the evil overtook it. I was forced to become a Scottish farmer due to the deal that I signed last night. It boded well for me in the first sentence but apparently it became worse after. I received 1000 crowns and a racing horse but traded that for my czar ship and citizenship. The advisor stole it all. If I had only read past word 12 then I would have seen the evil text that consumed sentences two-four and was omnipresent in sentence five. Now I must leave it all behind.

As we board the ferry to Scotland I feel a twinge of sadness realizing that this might be the last time I see Russia.

Chapter 1

1 quickly adjusts to the life of a farmer, unfortunately for me I’m .8 due to my low body mass. I have ruined my Wife and two kids’ lives. The only thing that prevents me from jumping off the bridge is the pet deer that I tamed last week. He slapped some sense into me after I suggested it to him. Every day I miss mother Russia and yearn for the site of the Kremlin out my window. I am now forced to attend to cattle in the pasture every day. Fortunately I trained them to feed themselves.

Yes, I can tame animals. One day in the pasture at my old Country Estate when I was eleven I was riding my horse after a daily whipping session. We had gotten up to 504 lashes. We started cantering and I fell off. It turned around and charged at me. I thought, “What could be going on in its head” and so I entered its mind.

'A field of wild grass. A meadow. All of the thoughts written on a dirt patch. I see my barn. I hear the wind. I smell the flowers. I taste sugar cubes I feel hatred for myself. I imagine it turning around. It does. It walks back to the stables and I exit its mind.'

I used this talent to get all of my chores done. Mama always commented on how well the animals behaved when I was around. One day a wolf wandered in. I tamed it and it became my personal pet. Soon I was doing pet orders from all over the general Moscow area. My family became the wealthiest in Moscow. The czar at the time was poor. I struck him a deal. Give him a massive loan and he would let me be czar on his death. The next day I pushed him off a roof.

I went from a 10,000 square feet house to a 5 square meter hut in the middle of nowhere. Worse still my cousin Boris lives a mile away. He has a simple mind and is overall a simpleton. What little chance my family has to adjust is being quashed by the fool. One day while visiting the nearby town of Lenie, I watch Boris ride a horse into the general store. I think

“He’s dumber than some of the animals I’ve tamed. Why can't I do the same to him?”

And so I enter the mind of Boris.

' A room temperature gift box with thousands of holes. Inward, all of Boris thoughts written on a chalkboard hanging from one of the walls. All of his senses coming in through the holes. I see myself. I hear laughter. I smell the broken watermelon. I taste the blood. I feel the splinters. They all converge at a circus elephant holding a giant peanut dancing on a unicycle. This is Boris's mind. '

Now that I know the structure of his thoughts, I can control him. I make him stand up, dust himself off, and calmly walk away. Midway through town square he twitches and starts banging his head against the fountain. I know that the control has been broken. He begins freaking out and starts plowing towards the general store. I am directly in his path. I look into his mind again see myself getting closer and closer until I feel myself flying. He ran into me. I fly over the general store and splash down in loch ness. I begin swimming back up when a giant creature strikes me on the back. I look and see a gigantic head swim off. I get back up and see that Boris is swimming out to rescue me. I flee the scene.

Chapter 2

The next day Boris is insistent on doing my work. He says

“I am not knowing what I have done him to you.”

“Please speak in English.” I say.

“But I'm not him a speaking in English.”

“I don't believe so.”

“You me and believe yes.”

“Just get back to working.”

“Now we have had media old rights and Boris and do no more for Nicole!” He yells.

“My name is Nikola!” I debate.

“What am funny black horizon dots?” he says looking at the horizon.

I look and see a fleet of The Czar's Finest Icebreakers. How they got in Loch Ness is beyond me. I look and see that they've hit the shoreline. 100 of The Czar's Finest come ashore. I'm making preparations to leave the continent when I realized that Boris is still in the field scooping horse manure. I remember my failed attempt to control him the first time and decide to try again. I go into his mind and once again see the gift box. I give him one simple instruction. Stop soldiers. Not even he could mess this up. He walks into town where they're marching up the hill. Unfortunately he's not very subtle. He sprints up to the line of troops and rams them.

Chapter 3

I flee towards town as a simpleton versus 100 elite soldier fight erupts on the hill above me. The soldiers have large muskets and are dressed in fur coats. They also have crude interrogation sickles. I run to the nearest icebreaker and collect my family on the way.

“What is happening?” Yells my wife.

“The czar has found me but Boris is holding his troops off.”

I realize that I haven't even told her that the czar is chasing us. I told her that we left Russia because I wanted to change climates. If she knew that we left because I sold our family for 1000 crowns she would've slapped me. I have very delicate cheeks.

“What did you just say?”

“I meant to say there's a meteor headed towards the town, run”

In retrospect it was a very close call. I did convince her to flee as soon as possible though. We board the icebreaker and see my old friend Ivan the bartender whom I last visited before I signed the deal.

“Why are you the captain of this icebreaker?” I inquire

“Because that last night you drain all of my alcohol.” he retorts

“It’s not like I didn't pay for it.”

“You were the czar you got everything for free.”

“So you went out of business?”

“That’s exactly what happened.”

“I'm assuming you hate me now.”

“In fact I do.”

“Let me guess there's a reward for me.”

“1001 crowns.”

“The czar really ripped me off by giving me only 1000.”

“Yes he did.”

I watch him pull out a gun and aim at me. Luckily at this moment a soldier that Boris threw hits the windshield. I then jump back in surprise while Ivan trips over the captain’s foot massager. He falls into the captain's private shark tank and is sucked out the drain. I take control of the boat and head towards the opposite shore. Unfortunately the soldiers were too much for Boris. They are returning to their ships now and are in hot pursuit. My family had gone downstairs to the lifeboats. The ships behind are picking up speed and are getting dangerously close to me. Finally a larger icebreaker that had been waiting out in the middle of Loch Ness rams into my boat. The shock wave of the explosion hits me and I fall down the ladder. The boat is being ripped apart. Two more of those ships come in and ram into it as well. All the metal work is bending and I fall through a gap in the floor. After multiple falls I finally hit the water. There is an explosion above me as the engines blow out and I sink into Loch Ness knowing that the czar had killed my family and that I would make them pay.

Chapter 4

I fall into an air pocket at the bottom of the loch. There are bones everywhere. I wish I could join them. So peaceful. Such a nice location. Taxes at the bottom of a lake are much lower because of frequent flooding. Suddenly I notice that the skeletons had all died in brutal ways. They are all misshapen, and in piles of what look like scraps from an exceptionally large meal. I walk over to inspect some of the damage and see a Loch Ness monster emerge from the water. I'm so shocked that I fall backwards and hit my head. I fall unconscious.

I wake up to see five hungry Loch Ness monsters over me. If only the villagers could see me now. The Loch Ness monster's head is thin and connected to a long neck. They have a porpoise like body with long flippers as their arms and legs. They seem to be a dark blue for the light of the cavern makes it hard to see. They look reasonably famished and are drooling over me. It takes me a full 3 1/2 seconds to realize that they are animals and that I can tame them. I look into their minds

' A deep underwater area. Barely any light. Inhuman sounds resonating through the water. I feel hungry. I see prey. I hear my own screams. I taste blood from my last kill. I smell the dank cavern. All of the sensations go into a small hole that leads to an air pocket where the consciousness is located. '

I take control of the animal and swim away with it. We break the surface on the opposite side of the lake. The creature clambers onto the shore and I see none other than Boris waiting for me.

Chapter 5

Why must he hinder me at every turn?

“And you okay?” he asks.

“I’m fine.” I coldly reply

“Me and happy to see it.”

“I should hope so.”

“What am big monster?”

“It is the infamous Loch Ness monster renowned throughout the area.”

“It am strange.”

I've had enough of Boris so I walk away and bang my head on a tree repeatedly. He sits on a rock and sings while clapping his hands. After I finish concussing myself I head to town. I go to the cavern and see my old KGB friend Alexi. He sees me and tells me how terrible things have been in Russia since I left.

“So let me get this straight. He replaced the czar Sauna with the China table from the museum.” I ask Alexi.

“Yes he did.” he solemnly responds.

“How has he gotten away with it?”

“No one knows but a lot of people from the KGB are angry with him.”

“Do you have a plan to get back at him?”

“In fact I do.”

“Tell me.”

“He’s planning to replace the czar’s swimming pool with an animal exhibit. If you really have the Loch Ness monster, then you can bring it to him in disguise and he’ll have to put it there. Then you can shove him into the tank with it and commanded it to eat him. The contract failed to remove you from default czar and as of now he has no czar set for that position. If he dies the throne is yours and we can reestablish KGB poker Wednesdays.”

“My Wednesdays have been very bland lately.”

“Are you in?”

“Yes.”

“Good, I’ll rally the other KGBs and we will set up a convoy to get to Moscow. Your return to power starts now.”

Chapter 6

As we enter the czars Palace I am nervous. Boris has been acting up which has been damaging his persona as my bodyguard. He does more harm than good. As we enter the great Gates he twitches and runs to kill me. I hit him with a metal bar upside the head and he smashes the China table. I move forward with the convoy to supervise the transportation when I see him in my peripheral vision holding a splintered portion of the table prepared to impale me. He runs forward and I trip him. He falls into the czars’ rock garden. I go over to see how the metal plates are looking for the framework of the aquarium when I see him through a mirror holding a 200 pound boulder poised to throw it at me. I shoot him with a blow dart and he falls to the ground unconscious. He's gotten more used my taming so now he can mentally combat it. He does so with steamrollers.

I am posing as the wealthy Scotsman Eric Tanner. I found Loch Ness monster and donated it and return to the pool that used to be in the area where the aquarium now stands. The czar doesn't suspect a thing

There’s only one problem, one of the czar’s officials may have seen me without my fake beard on. He’s getting suspicious. Furthermore, Boris has been trying to rip off my fake beard. The odds are not in my favor.

Finally comes the day when I'm supposed to push the czar. Unfortunately I am cornered. They discovered who I am. There is no hiding from the czar's wrath. I've locked Boris in the wine cellar to secure him. I'm in the small hallway when the bullets come. There are thousands. To make it worse, Boris is having a fit. The whole palace is held up by wooden supports in the wine cellar. Boris is attacking them. I catch a glimpse of the czar on the balcony. I'm going to try to circle back around the hall. I'm running as fast as I can, but I'm out of shape. I fall to the ground and think

“Let them take me.”

I’m ready to be shot when I see a shadow behind the soldier. I see my wife. She kicks him and tells the whole story to me. Apparently she was in the lifeboat room, and escaped with my two children in a life boat when the disaster started. They're staying with uncle Minsky, head of the mafia. She came to try to find me.

We’re directly across from the czar when I feel a massive shake. 100 feet away, on the czars’ balcony, he stumbles. Then the entire balcony leans to its side and falls down. The czar tries to flee this carnage and jumps…

..Into the Loch Ness monster tank. It opens its mouth and swallows him whole.

Conclusion

Boris did not survive. The whole place fell on him. I feel relieved to have him off my back. I even threw a party celebrating his death. Afterward my wife beat me with an oven mitt. After I watched the czar die I released the loch ness monster into the city. He now runs a very successful inn. The soldiers were quick to embrace me instead. Apparently the czar had lowered their pay by .2 percent. I made November 30th national simple heroes day. In the new palace we have built a memorial to Boris. I would weep for him but I don’t. Best not be sad for KGB poker.

Notes

This story takes place directly before Nikola flees to America.