Political Rivalries with Vincent

Political rivalries with Vincent
So you've got this guy named Vincent. He wants your job. Now he didn't run in any election, so why does he want your job. He was the prime minister and executive minister in Ukraine, but he wants your job. He was well liked to, he could have been elected again. Now all this is fine, but he is the pushiest non native Russian you'll ever meet. He has to go, and soon.

In a congressional meeting, we had almost reached a consensus. Until Vincent stuck his pea sized head in. Vincent is a member of the socialist Reformist Party. He stands at the head of the commission of the general delegation of the party. I along with the majority in this room am a member of the conservative Tsarist Party. However due to the magnitude of this deal we need the heads of each party, thats me and Vincent as well as a majority from both parties. We had everyone but Vincent. Unfortunately, he had the floor and was abusing the power vested in him.

I spoke up

"Let us hear what you have to say."

He didn't respond. I took a less formal approach with my next comment.

"Look, everyone hates you so you can just leave and die in a hole somewhere"

The president of the meeting called me out.

"Watch your mouth." He said.

"You want to join him." I replied.

The rule was that we couldn't leave until we had a failed law or a passed law or unless our security required it. I took out my walkie talkie. Alexi was in position. I called him and he released a torrent of water into the crate that Boris was being held in. As expected, Boris ran out to break the nearest thing, in this case, the meeting room. He ran through the door breaking it right off of its hinges. I quickly ran out a side exit into a limo awaiting me. The KGB arrived quickly and calmed Boris down with a trank gun.

I returned home and complained to Uncle Minsky.

"Could you arrange an 'accident' for Vincent." I asked him.

"No, assassinating him would be to risky and it's getting pretty obvious that your immediate response to people is death."

"At least kill the president of the meeting, I didn't like the way that he sassed me." I said.

"I'll get right to that, right after the milkman who stepped on your toe, the nun who accidentally knocked you down, and old lady Rose." To ensure security, we had a five day recess from meetings. I used this time to record old lady Rose's wheelchair getting caught on a train track, send Boris a box of swig sized vodkas with a card "to someone who for once made my life easier", and study the Russian proceedings of just congressional mannerism to beat Vincent at his own game. Finally we were in session again.

The president of the meeting was notably absent.

"According to the Russian proceedings of just congressional mannerism, section two part three detail eight, 'if an act of filibustering is interrupted by a threat to security, then the floor shall be turned over to someone else at the start of the next meeting'" I read.

"I request the floor." Vincent said.

"Denied" we said as a whole.

"I request the floor" I said.

"Approved." The group said as a whole.

"My fellow vodkinians, why must we meet every day if Vincent is to derail all of our progress every time and yet propose no alternatives. I move that we remove Vincent from our congress under grounds of lack of public drunkness."

I proposed that a chant begin.

"Impeach Vincent now" again and again.

"You can't impeach me" he shouted over the chanting

"Check his blood" I said.

Two KGB officers held him down while Alexi pulled our a Swiss Army knife and a liquor percentage monitor. I gave Alexi the sign to make the cut hurt. The blood was drawn from his tongue to gone him the benefit of the doubt.

"It'll hurt for him to talk for weeks." I said to Omsk oblast representative Calvin Russiaman.

"Thank god" he replied.

Vincent was curled up in a ball crying on the floor. We all laughed at him. I called a limo to take him away. As he was walking out he said to me,

"I'll get you back."

Sure enough the next morning, in the reformist newspaper, The Change, the headline was "Crazy Czar born in Mongolia". The picture was of my birth certificate.

"What is this outrage" I yelled at Mrs Butterworth.

She didn't answer. In my executive meeting today my advisers were concerned that I would lose bipartisan support because of this ad. We all had seen my real birth certificate, this one was a fake. My office immediately released my real one to the public. I suppose that I have to now even though I don't want people to know that I was born in Asian Russia and that I was a chubby baby.

"We need a counter attack" I said.

After some digging around it hit me. I had never seen a record of Vincent's citizenship. My office released that immediately and later found that he was an illegal immigrant. I scanned the records of illegal crossings and found a picture of him running through a gap in the fence between Russia and Ukraine. Later that day, the KGB went to his house and tar and feathered him all the way out of Russia. It was a good day. Mrs Butterworth even forgave me for yelling. How. I don't know.