Boris's Destruction Speech

Nikola Medvedev wrote this speech for the people who lost their lives on Halloween.

 Boris’s Destruction 





 Speech 



''' “People of Russia. This is your Czar, The Sixth Czar of Russia Nikola Vladimir ‘The Drinker’ Ivan ‘The Thoughtless one who kills all with his lack of care’ Medvedev The Oppressor of Kindred souls and dreams and hopes The first|. Boris went on a rampage through Moscow on Halloween. As you all know the military and the KGB defeated him. He went crazy after eating candy. He is being transferred to an arctic research facility. He has been frozen. The results. 1654 acres were destroyed. 9382 were killed and 267932 were displaced. I am not taking any responsibility for Boris’s destruction. '''



''' Now I know that people are mad at me for allowing him to eat candy but it’s not like the vet told me to keep him off sugar more than hmm one two three four hmm five six seven no six oh wait seven eight, yes eight: no more than eight times. That lousy vet only told me eight no wait nine ten times. '''



''' Anyway if one of your family members was killed you get a five dollar gift certificate to Barnes and Chernobyl. If two died you get a free lotto ticket. If three died then you get a videotape of me saying ‘I’m sorry’. If four died then you are eligible for a five percent discount on TVs of more than 80 inches. If five died then you get a pet dead mouse. If six died then you get a three percent discount on your income tax. If seven died then I will email you a picture of the top ten fluffy cats in the world. If you have the most deaths in you family then you get a cutout of the czars limo and three crumpled dollar bills. Thank you and (Holds up tape) ‘I’m sorry’ '''